So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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