You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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