Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
