Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
