I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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