Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
