I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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