Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
