I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
