if i can run in heels then i can drive
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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