See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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