Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
