She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
