The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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