well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
