I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
