A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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