yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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