that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize