The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
