I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
