I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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