My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
