see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
