Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
