They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
