I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
