i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
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when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
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First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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