The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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