dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
