is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize