im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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