Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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