the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
