every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
