at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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