Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
