I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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