Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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