No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
