i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
