I cannot find my penis.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
