Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
