hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
