I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
