Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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