Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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