I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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