glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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