my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
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