if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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