hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
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in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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