I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
two words: eviction party
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
