Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
