"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
