She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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