I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
