Ambien. No doubt about it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
