just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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