ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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