You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
