You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
