omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Can I color on your dick again?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
