you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i love accidental penises.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
