yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
