yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
