He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
