She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
