I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
