do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
