i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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