After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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