You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
