omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
whose ass print is on the piano?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
